“I know you said for me to wait/but I took my chances anyway/and then my life came crashing down/my world was spinning round and round/and there’s no one to blame but me/I’m feeling so much hurt and shame/and I’m in excruciating pain/cause I didn’t do right by you/I took for granted all you do/and now a shell is all that remains.”- I Need You Now by Trin-i-tee 5:7
I don’t know who told these ladies to enter into my mind and grasp hold onto my thoughts like this! Those lyrics speak so much about my story, what I feel and deal with lately. I’ve listened to the song many times before but for some reason, one day on my way to work that first verse just struck at my heart so hard! We fall short of Gods’ will and glory everyday. And there is no one to blame for our short comings but ourselves. We attempt to place blame on others or even “the devil” knowing that we were the ones who made those decisions, to go against what God has ordained for us. We follow our own understanding of things, and don’t consult God about decisions we need to make. So with our prideful, lustful, selfish hearts, we go after what we want and think is best for ourselves. And when things don’t go according to “our” plans, and mistakes are made, in the midst of our hurt and suffering of the consequences of our actions, we come crawling back to God to save us. Those lyrics, so true and pure to our human nature; we’ve all been there. We all go through it, sometimes repeatedly!
It’s not easy to admit when we are wrong, but I thank Angel and Chanelle for writing this song and forcing me to look deeper and be more honest with myself and with God. I mean, I simply just wanted to jam out to a great song, LOL; but the Holy spirit had other plans that day, I just suddenly began to really take in the lyrics and get perspective on things. I realized that I was trying to avoid telling God what was really on my heart. I didn’t want to admit that I was the nucleus to all of my troubles lately. It was hard to say to God that I was wrong because I was afraid that there would come this “wrath” or “rejection” from God, but I was so wrong. I don’t know why my faith and unbelief at times fail me and cause me to doubt God.
By the end of the song, I am not sadden by hearing my inner most concerns being played out to me, but rather I find hope, love and support in the Lord. No matter how far I fall, God is always right there to pick me up. He is a God of multiple chances, He is our Father who loves His children. And like children when we get to “acting all grown” and mess up, He’s there to guide us back to where we belong. His lessons, no, aren’t learned easily, and yes, we will feel hurt and shame in knowing that we disappointed Him with some of our actions and/or thoughts, but God loves us enough to see us through it all. We all need God, I need Him on a constant basis, so be encouraged and don’t think that you’ve messed up to bad for God to love you again. He wants us to acknowlege our sins, our failures, He wants to know our hearts! That way He can love, heal, and get us back in right standing. It’s in our weakest moments that He is proved strong and nothing can separate us from His love and amazing grace.